Let’s start this story with an enormous, professional picture of me, shall we? Beyond the above photo being fabulous (if I do say so myself, though the majority of the fabulousness is thanks the lens of the great Eryca Green) it captures something. It captures my evolution. No, I’m not just talking about the fact I’ve grown my hair out and have toned down the red lipstick. I’m talking about how the past year has been one of tangible and internal transformation. This feels like the picture to prove it.
Exactly one year ago I had freshly arrived in Milan. My head was whirling with jet lag after a particularly dreadful journey across the world but I was elated to be back in my beloved Italy after many years. Miraculously my ability to speak Italian returned with ease (a language I learnt during another magical year spent as an exchange student in Sicily). The pasta, the spritz’s, the endless boutiques were abundant. My friend Alice happened to be there too, so I had a companion with whom to spend my few days in town with. Life was fabulous. And then, one fateful Hinge swipe and a serendipitous bump in on the streets of Brera later, I met Mr Boyfriend.
Since then it’s been a rollercoaster of ever-changing locations, blips of intense work followed by pure freedom, plus a whole lot of love. In Melbourne, just before my departure to Italy, I had already spent a year unpacking myself and my soul, unpicking my many layers of armour, all in a bid to figure out who I really was after the dreadful year that was 2021 which had left me in a heap.
This past year, however, has been about redesigning and rebuilding myself and my life - on my terms. Who am I really? What do I want? Why am I such a desperate people-pleaser? How can I balance ambition with grace? Without so many conventional boxes to tick it’s lead me out into the abyss of choice (whilst also having to factor in my foreign partner).
Last week felt like a very literal pinnacle of that journey. I flew down to Melbourne and spent a few sweaty days overhauling every single thing I owned, all of which has been sitting idle in my storage unit. A lot of books and a lot of clothes were to be expected, but there were also other items like old birthday cards, weighty furniture and broken tea pots to grapple with. Honestly I had completely forgotten about most of the stuff that was in there, and having had a year away from it all meant I had a healthy new view on my things.
As I worked through all my endless stuff I decided to let go of a lot. I actively bagged things up and then recycled, re-sold or gave them away. As I did this I reflected on a decade of my life, the entire 11 years since I’d permanently left New Zealand.
As I downsized it felt as though I said a very literal goodbye to the version of me who spent her 20s pining. Who spent all of her money of clothes and cocktails. Who wore a lot of make up and dyed her naturally blonde hair platinum because she thought she was ugly. Who wanted a creative career but couldn’t quite figure out what that was. Who didn’t have the confidence to put pen to paper until she was 20-bloody-7. Who just wanted someone to love and to love her back.
That’s to say that when one overhauls their items of clothing and other belongings - and thus the way they visually represent themselves - it means they are able to properly express where they’re at. During last week’s same trip to Melbourne I also spent an afternoon creating beautiful new author images with the aforementioned Eryca. Through this exercise I could see who I am today and share that with the world.
My book being the horizon (you can pre-order it here) and my Melbourne overhaul has seen me conjure up a newfound compassion for the younger version of me. The book mightn’t exactly visually represent where I am at now, age 31 and out of my chrysalis, but the way my publishers have packaged it up should act as a gorgeous trojan horse to the masses for my core message; when you dress like yourself and let yourself be seen, you look fabulous. Case-in-point, the above new author pic.
How To Be Fabulous is ultimately a nod to my 20-something self and this past week I realised that I wrote it for her. I think she would’ve loved it.
Read: In Pursuit of Happiness by Stacey Duguid
I devoured this brash, hilarious, raw and heart-breaking memoir by Stacey Duguid last week. I’d been a fan as I’d followed her on Instagram for some time (note: I only buy social media star’s books if they’re actually writers to begin with!). Her story is one we’ve all heard before: a woman’s fight to make her way in the world, overcoming all kinds of hurdles from within as well as obstacles from the outside.
Yet there’s something different about this memoir. Maybe it’s her years working at Elle magazine that makes the copy itself extra snappy and aspirational, or her complete and utter openness when talking about the darker parts of her past. I can’t quite figure it out, but it’s bloody brilliant and really moved me. I think you should read it too.
Watch: Witch by BBC4
Full disclosure this month’s “watch” is actually to be listened to, the reason being I’ve been binging audio more than visual due to Sydney’s unseasonably warm weather and my jaunt to my VIC storage unit.
Witch is a 13-part podcast by BBC4. It digs deep into the history of witchcraft in Europe, as well as explaining where it’s at today. As a part-time witch-ish myself I found it fascinating. It reminded me to find the magic in the every day and to only use any powers I may have for good. But it also lifted the lid on something I knew little about and that was the massacre that was the witch trials in Europe during the 17th century.
Whilst Salem is home to the most famous witch trials, these were only a ripple effect from what was happening in the UK & Europe at the time (the US was still part of Britain then). In fact many more women (and a few men) accused of practising witchcraft were sentenced to death in Europe, the worst mass-execution occurring in a small town in Germany, the runner up being Scotland, home to most of my ancestors, where a mind-boggling amount of people were prosecuted and executed.
Maybe it’s my Scottish roots that pull me towards this ugly and unfathomable part of history, maybe it’s my strident feminist beliefs, maybe it’s the simple fact that I believe in magic. Probably it’s all of the above, and in that I absolutely loved this well-produced, banger of a BBC podcast.
Wear:
This past month hasn’t been about buying at all, rather selling. A big part of that has been me parting with much of my precious vintage. My friends at Shag Melbourne were able to swallow up a lot of my vintage collection (including ex-Chez Charlotte stock) in one elegant swoop last week, leaving me to soar back to Sydney practically weightless (well actually that’s an utter lie. My bag was maxed out at 30kg as I smuggled my soda stream - sans canister, I’m not a maniac - and various other bits and bobs back to help make life more bubbly).
In all of this closet-clearing I like to think I’m making space for a new wardrobe which will help me continue to visually represent where I’m at now. Back to the book, I actually wrote a large section in How To Be Fabulous about doing a proper wardrobe clear-out. If you need to change outfits you need to strip off first, right?
In terms of work I’ve been writing up a storm, but this time for myself. I’m in the throes of my Curtis Brown Creative advanced course in which I’m editing and learning to pitch my novel (a project I’ve been working on, on and off, for about 20 months). The course so far has been both humbling and given me a huge boost to go forth with the project.
I might be a professional writer now, but I’ve never done a single writing course and have a lot to learn. Thanks to my upcoming book I’ve learnt a lot about the way the industry works and publishing process, but now it’s time to learn how to structure a solid story. I have to say it does make me cringe that I sent out such a sloppy first draft to a few agents earlier this year (about five agents read it but none of them liked it, and fair enough!). Basically my novel is the next thing in my life that needs unpicking and unpacking, yet now I have the confidence I can do it.
Until next month x
I love this post, Charlotte! It was so great to meet you in Sydney last week. And now I have a new podcast to listen to! xx
Always love your book recs Charlotte! And sending that podcast to my sister now xx