Another boring, albeit much more productive month has passed. I’m finally on my way back through Australia in a bid to see old friends and swap out my suitcase. In fact by the time you read this I will have moved through the bustling streets of Sydney and be in Melbourne, en route to the next adventure.
Meanwhile, in my hermit hive of productivity, I have been back on the reading wagon which has been bliss! At the end of the day I am a “book nerd” as Mr. Boyfriend calls me. The fact I’d been avoiding something that gives me so much pleasure is kind of bizarre - mind you I think this is something a lot of us do.
Anyway, let me tell you what you should be consuming…
Read
Lately I’ve needed to seek support after a few fragile moments and a new level of nervousness had been dictating my days. My old friend/foe (perhaps family member actually, as it will never truly go away) anxiety seems to have returned.
As a result I’ve done all I can in my proactive power to ensure I’m doing all I can to help myself - daily meditation, halting the overconsumption of caffeine and alcohol, and even booking in with a psychologist who specialises in writers(!). I’ve also faced the fact that it’s time to toughen up a little, not harden, but accept that when things don’t go my way to choose to mature and move on.
While I wait for my specialist psych (unsurprisingly her waitlist is endless), and before I completely unravel, I’ve sought solace in the world of books. Fiction, nonfiction, audiobooks and paperbacks, my solid support network which can be accessed wherever I am and regardless of my situation, are all back in full swing.
So, when I saw Christene Barberich (who happens to be this week’s podcast guest) recommend the self help book she uses when she spirals, that’s The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, on her Substack, A Tiny Apt., I quickly added to cart and devoured it in a few days.
The message of the book is that when things are going well we can hit our “upper limit problem”. Subconsciously many of us don’t feel deserving of greatness, so when little bits of gold begin to come through we self-sabotage, either in other areas of our life or within the same realm of our small successes, all so we can revert to a base-level of mediocrity - just like we think we deserve. For example business is booming but your marriage is failing. You get a promotion only to swiftly quit because you can’t take the pressure. You’re newly in love but fall into unhealthy habits which see you lose or gain more weight than is healthy. You get it.
The thing is, things are beginning to get better for me. A mere 18 months ago I was freshly dumped and newly moved out of a fab flat and into a tiny studio apartment. I had no idea what to do next, and spent my days doing dry copywriting contracts or crying into my cup of tea. It sounds grim because it was.
But little by little I’ve rebuilt. And in that life is getting better than it ever has been. I’m newly in love, travelling the world and I’ve written a novel! All things I’ve always wanted are finally beginning to greet me. So why have I been feeling rubbish?
After reading this book I do think I’m hitting an upper limit problem. Not allowing myself to enjoy the many things which I’ve ultimately earned because I’m so used to struggling. I also think many other people are in the same boat. Therefore I think you should read this book, and start applying and sharing it’s principles ASAP.
Watch
As I mentioned in the last newsletter I’ve been indulging in a lot more tele than usual, and in that, actually, a lot less films. In my last life chapter a way I quelled the loneliness of living and working alone in a big city, was by frequenting the local cinema relatively regularly. However being on the road means I’m out of the habit.
So, a few weeks ago, I hauled myself out to the most charming cinema in Christchurch (Chch legends will agree), Alice in Videoland, to see Corsage. A fictional telling of the last years of Empress Elisabeth of Austria.
The film is ultimately about a very complicated woman, and her obsession over appearance, power and sex. In some scenes it’s disturbing and then in some it’s aspirational. Ultimately the story revolves around female power, or lack thereof.
It’s a quiet and complex film which has continued to linger in my mind. The protagonist is not likeable, yet you’re always on her side - I always think any storyteller who can do this is a genius.
Now, this movie is not an easy watch, which is maybe one of the reasons it’s critically acclaimed but not necessarily commercially successful. The marvellous Vicky Krieps (who I’ve been besotted with ever since seeing Phantom Thread) plays Elisabeth to perfection as well. P.S. How good is the poster?!
Wear
I know that every other post I do tends to bang on about how I live out of a suitcase and have no clothes, nor room for more!! It’s quite a strange place to exist in, when a good chunk of your career has centred on style. However it’s equally freeing.
In this though I’ve kept thinking “I have no clothes” yet as I prep and pack for the next leg of my journey I’ve realised I have still managed to accumulate more stuff than I need over these past few months.
So, the other night, literally as I listened to this podcast on shedding old versions of self, I did a closet clear-out. This wasn’t just in a bid to lighten the extremely heavy suitcase I call home, but also to strip myself of past versions of me.
As someone who has moved oh so much in the last decade, a closet clear out is something I partake in relatively regularly. But to do this now, with so much consciousness around truly shedding an old version of me, was something else. In fact, in the non-fiction book I have coming out later this year, How to be Fabulous, one of the guides I give my reader is to do exactly that. So, this afternoon, I will be dropping bags of stuff to my local consignment store or op shop and clearing space.
Doing this has made me realise, in the most blatant way, that frankly, I’m not the girl in the fifties frock anymore. I used to think I could never be bold without my old armour of midcentury style, yet in the past year I’ve seen myself overlooking florals and frou frou and opting for clean lines, black and neutrals instead (that fact it’s all still vintage being the only constant). I guess this is a part of that maturing and moving on I mentioned earlier.
Meanwhile I did buy one item as I shed the rest - a fab 1990s top thanks to my fashionable friend, Ava, who has a side-hustle selling on behalf of more mature, very stylish, women who aren’t as apt to use the internet. With the top I love the structure, the nod to the 1960s and the fact it houses my ever increasing bosoms! Thanks to Ava, and her very stylish client.
Final Thoughts
The pod is almost coming to the end of season two so do make sure you tune in before it wraps. We’ve had some seriously fab guests on this season and it’s almost a little sad to see it go again.
I’ve also written a piece on living with my parents at age 30 for MamaMia this month. Have a read of it if you’re craving more and let me know what you think. I actually found this incredibly hard to write for some reason. Maybe my upper limit problems were snapping at me again as I typed? Anyway, I did say it’s time to toughen up a tad. So letting that roll off me now - onwards and upwards (and overseas again) I go.
Until next month. xx